TWO FAT FARANGS

Take my mother-in-law

I mentioned in an earlier post that Nam’s mother had suffered a nervous breakdown after the death of Nam’s father. I naively thought that by throwing money at the problem she might cheer up a little. No such luck. Apart from staring at me blankly and muttering “farang”, she is yet to say a word to me. Nam gets quite embarassed by her behaviour. All she does is sit in front of her little shrine to him, humming some old cheesy pop ballad. There’s a big picture of him that takes center stage in the living room, draped in flowers and surrounded by incense sticks, candles, food and little Buddha trinkets. And she’ll sit there for hours on end, on a kind of vigil to make sure the candles and incense sticks never burn out.

It’s difficult to understand it. Maybe I cannot comprehend it because I’ve never loved somebody that much that I lost my mind when I lost them. When my ex farang wife walked out on me I celebrated by buying a new sports car. It’s easy to look at Nam’s mother and think, “crazy old woman,” but I can imagine she was a real stunner in her day. It’s a shame she can’t get her head together, move on and meet somebody again.

I’ve been back in Udon for a few days now. I left Mamasan Pu to run the bar. Next week I’m meeting a pal whose interested in buying it. Little Trev’s got a bar already and looking to expand his little empire.

I think we’ve settled on a house now. It’s a modest two-bedroom bungalow on the outskirts of Udon. Nam loves it. I’m easily pleased when it comes to somewhere called home. A bed, a bog and a fridge are all I need. But if it makes her happy I know she’ll make me happy.

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A short three weeks

I left the temple on friday morning, cutting short my three weeks by a few days. I didn’t handle the discipline as well as I had hoped. Having spent most of my life searching and always striving towards something I found it dreary at times, just doing nothing and having nothing to plan or look forward to. My only task was to sweep the floors every day. The most testing part of the whole experience was the lack of food. Midday to midnight was an endurance test beyond anything I had ever been through. How can Muslims fast for Ramadam? I often wondered. Towards the end I was hiding food in my robe to snack on in the evening. On the upside, though, I did manage to lose three kilos.

Although I didn’t have the will-power to stick it out I would like to at least one day live by the five precepts. Because, let’s face it, if we all didn’t murder, lie, steal, get wasted and fuck around it would be one peaceful civilised planet.

I now view buddhism as more of a philosophy than a religion; a way to lead your life rather than paying homage to a deity. It’s a shame that Thais in general don’t follow the laws of their religion. The majority that I’ve come across seem to think they’re doing enough by merely lighting incense sticks, having some water splashed over their heads and getting the magic string tied round their wrists. The rules that Buddha set down rarely come into play for most “buddhists” in this country.

I took a lot of positives from the meditation. I’ve certainly learned to not think as much, to be able to switch off and not mull things over and over. Our lives are a constant ebb and flow of emotions, up and down, always grasping and craving, and being in the robes eliminated that. But I did miss the fun aspect of life. More than anything I missed company - chatting and having a laugh with people - so on friday night I treated myself to two lovely go-go dancers. Pim and Joy were fantastic and just what I needed after more than two weeks of celibacy.

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A very long weekend

What was supposed to be just a weekend in Udon turned into a whole week. Now I’m back in Pattaya wondering why I returned. This town always seems lonely and dilapidated this time of year, strange and oblivious characters trawling the streets, and old and familiar faces in the places you don’t want to be. I’ve just closed the bar, much to the chagrin of a couple of regulars. This is the first time I’ve been drinking in over a week, and I feel quite pissed.

It was an incredible week I spent with Nam, and I’m not kidding myself that this feeling will last forever. It can’t, it never does, but God when it’s this good it’s worth it how ever broken-hearted you may end up. I want to make the most of it. I want this to be the last time I fall in love. I don’t know if I could be arsed to go through this again anyway.

I didn’t want to leave Udon. Myself and Nam have grown close very quickly. It seems pointless us not being together now. Before I met her I thought I’d grown tired of shy Thai girls; preffering experienced go-go girls rather than bashful blanket-grabbers. But with Nam I dig that shyness all over again, the buzz of carefully coaxing them out of their shells, and making them feel comfortable with you. With Nam her sexuality is now starting to shine through, whereas before I was making all the moves. Now that her inhibitions are rolling away the love-making gets better every time.

I bought her a wardrobe full of new clothes, and it was wonderful seeing her face light up every time she looked in the mirror. You always open yourself up to critisism from other farangs when you’re seen to splash your cash on a Thai babe. But why not? I say. If you can afford it and you’ve got a goodun treat her right, make her feel special. I tell you, I find it an absolute thrill spoiling them.

I quite like Udon. There’s a small expat community there, a few bars, a modern mall and some decent western restaurants. The massage parlours are a bit down-market. I won’t be visiting them again. But I can definitely see myself moving there. In fact, we spent the last few days house-hunting.

Anybody want to buy a bar?

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